The Butler Diet and other news. 29.03.11

Yesterday was the first day of my new diet. I say new diet because I've been on diets before. I'm not saying the diets haven't worked, quite the opposite, I've had some success in the past, only I eventually got resentful of the fact that I couldn't eat what I wanted to and would always rebel. I announced the beginning of the diet on Twitter and Facebook because I reckon the more people who know about it, the more chance I have of sticking to it. I feel like if I tell loads of people, and they start to support me and follow my progress, I wouldn't want to quit for fear of looking like a loser, it's why people put themselves forward for those TV shows like The Biggest Loser. I'm 41 this year and I've led a very unhealthy lifestyle which if I were to keep up, would be the end of me I'm sure. So, I bit the bullet and got on the scales.

I'm 14.12.06 stone at the moment or 197.68 Lb and I found out that my target weight is 12 stone or 168 Lb so it looks like I need to shed almost 3 stone, that's like a 5th of my weight. I joked on Twitter that I should just chop off an arm or something. It would certainly be easier to do that than give up my chocolate, my Coka Cola and all the other goodies and treats which I love to have at any given moment of the day. I recently found a bag of chocolates they sell in Poundland which are Cadbury's seconds, this means that they could have a filling in em, but more often than not, they'd be solid chocolate, I love those gorgeous little rejects. I was becoming an addict so it was time to go "cold turkey" again, literally. 

So here's the plan, no chocolate, no Coka Cola, no eating after six o'clock, no booze, sensible eating and even exercise. I did it before. I can't say I enjoyed it much though, except for Sunday's. Sunday was my cheat day, a day where I would trick my body that I wasn't on a diet by eating and drinking what the hell I liked. This way I would go back to the diet on Monday through to the Saturday and, as a result of pigging out, I would loose more weight. Who know's if this theory is true, but it was something to look forward to each week. I will be Tweeting my progress from time to time and will tag the messages. Just put #TheButlerDiet into your twitter search box. 

IN OTHER NEWS

My brand new website is now up and running and I'm really proud of what Simon of Propulsion and myself have done. It's a great looking site with loads to see and do. You may even be there already, reading this blog directly from the site. There is so much more to check out though including The Green Room Podcast, Live Dates, and even a free TomTom voice download so you can have me telling you to get lost when you're in your car. One of my favourite things on the site is the Audioboo page which we added to the site only today.

What is an Audioboo? From time to time I make little recordings, no more than five minutes long, saying hello to people I bump into whilst I'm touring around. These could be anything from chatting to old friends, interviewing comedians or generally talking about whatever is happening right there and then.

I only started to make these recordings a little over a week ago and I'm really enjoying them, they are nice little behind the scenes moments. In the first week I've spoken with Ian Stone, Milton Jones, Adam Bloom, Geoff Boyz, Dain Cordean, Mike Milligan, Phil Walker, Dave Twentyman and Yianni Agisilaou. Hope you get a chance to take a listen.

Well that's it for now, catch you next time.

My best mate is coming to town.

Very excited today as my mate of over 20 years, Dain Cordean is coming over. I haven't seen him in such a long time that I'm like a kid on Christmas eve night. We always have such a laugh together but due to our busy lives and the different commitments we both have it's difficult to get things going sometimes. Dain is a brilliant magician so I took the image below, from the google homepage as a good omen for tonight.

Google's homepage image today.

The story behind why Houdini is on the homepage today is the news that Harry's last surviving stage assistant has sadly died. Her name was Dorothy Young and she lived to the ripe old age of 103. The statement came earlier this morning, on the day that would have been Houdini's 137th birthday. 

She was known as the Radio Girl and would emerge from a large mock-up of a radio and perform a dance routine. Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1369471/Harry-Houdinis-assistant-Dorothy-Young-dies-103.html#ixzz1HWZdpJ8w

Dorothy Young as 'Radio Girl' emerging from a radio prop with Harry Houdini

From one great magician to another. I was looking for some photo's to show you of Dain and I found a brilliant one. I had never seen this shot of a very young Dain before. The caption that went along with it was "Dain's first stage appearance" I will definitely ask him about this when he gets here later. It's funny, because in order to get my first bit of stage time, as a childrens magician at Magic City in Clacton-on-sea, I had to sell ice creams outside he gig before I did the show.

It was around the time that I worked at the children's fun emporium Magic City that I met Dain. Back then we were both magicians and I had just joined the Ipswich Magical Society. It was one of the first nights I was there and Dain was performing. He produced cards from nowhere and made a cane dance around. He was awesome that night as he still is. Play the clip below and you'll see what I mean. The bit with the linking rings at 2 minutes and 45 seconds is just incredible.

Dain and I hung out at the magical society and would enter competitions together such as the Hickson Cup, which he would always win. I was never as good a magician as him which he loves to remind me of, although I still do the old sleight of hand, so maybe I'll be able to show him something new, maybe not. We both did magic shows for kids at Magic City and lived in each others pockets during that time, we were never seen apart. Check out this shot on the left, weren't we slim and handsome back then. Eventually our lives went in different directions, but we kept in touch.

So there's only two hours now until the big arrival and I have to get things ready. Huh, get things ready!!! Perhaps I should have just said "I have to go and get some booze from the offey." Anyway, watch out later today for tweets and audioboo's of my night catching up with my best mate.

Stand up for Comic Relief review. Lorna's a great Comic, what a Relief.

I haven't had any time at all over the last couple of days to put pen to paper, or should I say finger to key on this blog. So let me tell you now about the Stand Up for Comic Relief's comedy night I went to the other night. As you may know 3 Counties Radio asked me, about a month ago, if I would mentor one of their presenters, Lorna Milton, to perform 10 minutes of stand up for comic relief. I've been involved with comic relief before so I jumped at the chance. After meeting with Lorna a few times where we rehearsed, wrote and re-wrote the script we finally got to her big day. I arrived at the Apex centre in Bury St Edmunds at 6pm and quickly found Lorna for a last run through. 6 other local radio presenters were also going through their routines and could see that the nerves were starting to get to them. After drawing lotts for their position in the show, the auditorium was cleared and the audience was brought in. By this time the backstage area was buzzing with anticipation and the 4 judges had arrived.


I knew that Rick Wakeman and Emma Freud were going to be judging but I wasn't expecting to see Neil Innes there, the final judge was a guy I've never encountered before Dan McKee.


                                                                                                                                    
All the comedic wannabees had a quick photo shoot backstage and before you knew it David Whitley from Look East was introducing the show. David did a great job of bringing out the judges and setting thing up for a packed out crowd, then it was time to bring on the first Opening the proceedings was Pete Cooper from BBC Northampton who did a wonderful job, I really wasn't expecting standard to be anywhere near that good. It was the same story for the next act David Webster from BBC Norfolk, which made me think, "My God, these guys are great, looks like we've got a real competition on our hands". Third up was Lorna. She did a brilliant job and the punters were with her all the way. She got some great comments from the judges as well. I think being described as a one woman Morecambe and Wise is pretty good for a first timer. An old mate of mine Steve Cherelle opened the second half, he is a singer/songwriter by trade, does a show on BBC radio Essex, and as it turns out, a very competent comedian. Although Steve's told old style jokes which you may have heard before, he knocked it out of the park. As we were in Bury St Edmunds, BBC radio Suffolk presenter Simon Talbot had a lot of support in the venue. He didn't let them down performing an awesome set which he had written every word, very impressive and I told him so when I spoke to him at the bar when he was ordering a well deserved post show drink. Paul Stainton from BBC Cambridge was a little bit hit and miss but started well with some audience participation. It was then time for the final act, Jenny Kirk from BBC Look East. Jenny set was full of anecdotes from her career on Look East, and she also told stories from her time in Jersey where I think I might have met her when I was there. It was a great way to finish a thoroughly entertaining show. 3 of the judges disappeared to deliberate the decision leaving Dan McKee to keep everyone laughing before the results were announced in an X Factor style run down. Lorna was placed at number 5, but we were told later that she was only 1 point off being 4th and if only we had done it as a double act with me on stage with her, she would have been 3rd. Also in the bottom 4 were Paul Stainton and 2 of the acts which I thought would be in the top 3, Pete Cooper and Simon Talbot. I was pleased though to see Steve Cherelle still in the running.

The final result saw Jenny Kirk and David Webster sharing the number one position with Steve Cherelle just behind them. So congratulations to everyone who took part and helped raise some cash by doing something funny for money for Comic Relief. I'd also like to say a special well done and a big thank you to Lorna Milton. She did such a great job and we had such a great laugh, Nice one Lorna, you were brilliant. Don't forget to tune in on 18th March for all the fun of Comic Relief night, go to www.rednoseday.com for more information and donate some of your cash as well text "FIVER" to 70005 and every penny will go to help people who need it at home and abroad.

Brave men and Lorna's Big Night for comic Relief

Just got back from the Stand up for Comic Relief night in Bury St Edmunds. I was so hungry when I got back I made myself a piece of bread and butter to tide me over while I made a sandwich, now that's hungry. I hadn't eaten since breakfast when I was in Edinburgh. Seems like ages ago now. I was in Edinburgh yesterday doing a show for CSE Forces Entertainments who I have worked with since 1992 we worked out. It was at the Personnel Recovery Centre up there which was built by a charity I support, Help for Heroes. Our audience was described to us as Broken Soldiers. They are young men who been mentally and physically affected in the war in Afghanistan. I'm very happy to report that everyone had the best time at the show which featured one of my great friends, comedian Geoff Boyz, singer and songwriter Sinead Quinn who was accompanied by Gavin Wyatt, and topped off with the CSE dancers, Charlotte and Leanne, a welcome sight for guys who made the most of their mobile phone video cameras when the girls were strutting around. After the show we all went back for cold pizza and even colder rooms, ahh life on the road. I woke up today to a better meal, a full breakfast, and it was warm. Carmen picked me up from the airport after a record 45 minute flight, I reckon the pilot was on a promise and put his foot down. After a quick shit, shave and shower I put my suit on and got in the car to help Lorna Milton from 3 counties radio perform 10 minutes of stand up for comic relief. I'm very proud of what Lorna did tonight, she did a great job. It's getting quite late now so I'll continue this blog and give you a full report on the show tomorrow if that's okay, as the radio station will be calling in the morning and I need at least a couple of hour before then. For now, I'll leave you to read the final script of her performance. Night.

LORNA: Good evening!!! Lovely to be here tonight, doing something funny for money for comic relief.

Now when I was volunteered for this they said, don't worry Lorna we'll get you the best comedy mentor there is….. They got me a magician (pills out flowers) TA DA!!!! Yeah, and that's his best trick.

So I fired him. I mean how hard can this stand up comedy be????

(She pick up a pad and continues)…because I believe the most important thing in comedy is SPONT… (she looks down and turns the page) …TINAITY. 

(She throws the pad onto the floor) Okay, I'll level with you, The thing is I haven’t had much time to prepare for tonight, what with one thing or another. You see recently I was stopped by the police and yesterday I had to attend a meeting. Let's go back in time, and i'll show you what happened.

(HARP Sound effect)

LORNA SITS DOWN ON A CHAIR

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: Welcome to the speed awareness course. You all know why you’re here but the rest of us don’t, so we’re going to go around the room and hear from each of you the circumstances that brought you here today. Lorna, why don’t you start us off?

LORNA LOOKS UP: Hello my name is Lorna and I’m an alcoholic. 

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: If I could just stop you there….that’s the wrong meeting. 

LORNA: Sorry, I’m so drunk I don't know where I am.

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: That's alright, let's start again. 

LORNA:  Hello I’m Lorna and I’m a sex addict…

VOICE from OFFSTAGE:   No no no, again that’s the wrong er… are you?

LORNA:  Yes

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: Well I’ll bear that in mind, but that's still the wrong meeting. Try again, but remember, this is the speed awareness course. 

LORNA: (She nods) Hello… my names Lorna and I’m a speeder, (APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT) and I haven’t sped now for 3 months. (APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)  All right, leave it. I got caught doing 40 miles an hour in a 30 limit.

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: Really, what gear where you in?

LORNA: Oooooooo It was a lovely little black number beautifully accessorised with some wonderful shoes……

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: No I meant …never mind. Why don’t you take us back to where it all started.

LORNA: Well for that i'll have to take you back even further in time (HARP SOUND EFFECT)

(She takes her coat off)

(to a man in the audience) You weren't expecting a stripper were you? Put your money away mate, that's as far as I go.

LORNA: (Goes to Centre stage) You see here I was all dressed up and waiting for my date. I haven’t had much luck with dates…I SAID I HAVEN'T HAD ALOT OF LUCK WITH DATES! (audience ahhhhs)

(to the man in the audience) Alright mate, I'm not that desperate.

(whispers to the rest of the audience) Actually I am.

(Mimes to the man in the audience) Call me

Where was I? Oh yes, my luck with dates. Take weed boy, no not that sort of weed. After saving someone from a pond he came straight to our date, along with half the pond.

Then there was the amateur acupuncturist, he said he wanted to give me a small prick. I didn't think it felt that bad.

In desperation I tried internet dating. So I went online. Minger, minger, minger, ooo he looks okay. So I started communicating. I asked him all the relevant questions. Is there a pond near you? Have you got a small pr…. Probably too much for a first email. He passed that test so we arranged to meet. (Looks at watch) He should be here by now (Looks around).

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: Hi Lorna I’m Tom.

LORNA: HellOOOHHH NOOOO!!!

(to audience) When he turned up he was huge. It was as if he had eating my date. I was expecting Tom Cruise, not a cruise ship. I looked at his picture, I looked at him, I looked at the picture, I looked at him…It's like I was switching my TV from regular to wide screen, regular to wide screen. Still looks aren’t everything, maybe he'll be charming, please just say something witty and intelligent.

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: So, Lorna…… what’s your favourite type of condom?

LORNA: I had to get out of there, and quick.

(Lorna sits back down on the chair and jigs up and down)

(to the man in the audience) I’M IN A CAR MATE, I’M IN A CAR!!! IT’S PHYSICAL THEATRE! (she tuts)

So I thought, leave the date behind you Lorna, and everything was going so well until I saw the blue flashing lights. I pulled over, prepared to flutter the eyelashes, pouted the lips and wound down the window.

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: Is this your car madam?

LORNA: Yes.

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: Could I see your licence please?

LORNA: Yes here (she mimes handing over a bit of paper) 

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: That’s a dog licence.

LORNA: Well??? I'm driving a Rover.

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: It says here that you should be wearing glasses

LORNA: I've got contacts

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: I don't care who you know

LORNA: (she looks offstage) I think we're in trouble

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: Don't worry the next one's funny, Do you know you were going 40 miles an hour.

LORNA: Don’t be stupid I’ve only been out ten minutes.

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: See, I like that one

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: Yeah, I like that one too

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: I’m afraid i'm going to have to take you down the station.

LORNA: What’s the charge?

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: There’s no charge it’s all part of the service. BAD DOOM TISH SOUND EFFECT

LORNA: So that's why I'm here at the speed awareness course, and you're lucky I made it on time at all!!! I really had to put my foot down on the 405. Don't worry, I slowed down for the camera.

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: And you're still single eh? 

LORNA: (she looks to the man in the audience one last time smiles and nods. She get no reaction, looks sad and shakes her head) Yep, still single.

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: You know we could finish the course over a bit of lunch, if you'd like.

LORNA: Lunch? Sounds good.

VOICE from OFFSTAGE: Great, let’s go……. now about this sex addiction thing?

LORNA: (To audience) Thanks for listening and goodnight.

Nice Hotel, bit drunk.

Hello again to people who may be reading this blog. Do you know, I never thought that blogging could be fun but here I am compelled to write again. I went over to the BBC today to support my...... I don't know what to call her....my student perhaps??? Seems like that sometimes. Anyway, some of you might already know that i'm mentoring Lorna Milton from 3 counties radio breakfast show to do 5 to 10 minutes of stand up in front of 700 people, TV and Radio in Bury St Edmonds on 9th March. Well, I went over there and had a great time, although I didn't get to see her do her 60 second routine today. She called and said that it went really well though. I liked the fact that all the advice that the likes of Tony Halks, Katy Brand, Jo Brand, John Colshaw, Hugh Dennis and Emma Freud were giving was just the same advice that I have already been giving Lorna. Reassuring me that I'm pointing her in the right direction. Like I say, I didn't get the chance to see Lorna doing her thing because I had to make my way to Norwich for the opening night of Jongleurs new club at the Project night club. Kane Brown was the host and I opened the show. I had a great time with them. John Davie, the owner of Jongleurs was very complimentary about my set. Curtis Walker was on next. (Curtis will be at the Giggle Inn next month) and Tom Stade closed the show in fine style. Never get tried of watching Stade baby. The best jokie jokes in the business. I had a good few drinks with the guys after the show and now find myself blogging in my hotel room with the Mighty Boosh live on in the background. I never saw any of the Boosh perform their stuff. What I'm catching though seems pretty good. I had quite a few drinks tonight in celebration of Jongleurs opening up for the first time in Norwich so I hope that this blog hasn't just been a drunken ramble about events that no one really gives a shit about. If you're feeling that way you'll be pleased to know that I'm ready to collapse now, and so the end of this blog is nigh. Good night people.

First Blog, AGAIN

I just tried to make my first blog. I enjoyed doing it. So where is it Phil? Where can I read it? Well you can't I'm using an app to write it, don't want to always use my laptop, an app on my iPhone should be okay, right? Nope, I lost the connection and had to reconnect. In doing that you leave the app and loose your blog. I'll be sure to copy it before I try to post next time. Anyway, let me sit and write what's happening again. I'm sitting and thinking about this Comic Relief thing I'm doing. I'm mentoring a radio presenter, Lorna Milton from 3 Counties to perform 5 to 10 minutes of stand-up comedy. I should really be working on her script and not doing this blog but knowing me, I'll probably take a look before I go to bed. Anyway, i'll be going along with her to a comedy training course at the BBC tomorrow. One of the comics who will be teaching the course will be Jo Brand so it'll be very interesting. I've then got to get straight on the road to Norwich for Jongleurs opening night. I'll be on with Curtis Walker (who will be playing The Giggle Inn, Watford in April) and Tom Stade (who I was in Afghanistan with.) I'm there for 2 nights and then I come back for this months gig at The Giggle Inn. My misses, Carmen and I run a show on the first Sunday of each month and it's come around again. I'll give away a little secret as it's my first blog (ish) Bobby Davro called to ask if he could do 10 minutes. He will be a surprise to everyone coming, apart from people reading this. Loads of other acts on as well. Nick Page is hosting Steve Best, Gordon Smith, Herbie Adams, and Ian Stone. I'll also be doing the next episode of The Green Room Podcast. I was really pleased with the first episode at last months show. The sound quality was great for the stage stuff and the backstage stuff and I think it's a great thing to listen to, especially when you were at the show. So why have I started to blog? Well it's all down to my new website being built. Simon Mayhew of Propulsion Printing Watford has done a great job on it. It's got a flashy curtain on it and you can tear the corner of the page down, you should go and take a look. Anyway, the site will eventually have a blog page on it. It would have it now but Madasafish dot com who I've got the domain with don't support PHP scripts. I don't know what that means but I'm not happy about it. So I thought I'd blog now so there's something there when it goes up on there. Time to see if I can post it this time so before I save it and click the "done" button, let me give you all the links you'll need that I mention you should visit. www.philbutler.co.uk www.thegiggleinn.com and www.thegreenroompodcast.com and why not have a look at www.brighterfutureproductionsltd.com as well, just for the hell of it. Okay, catch you next time.

Comic Relief 2011

Hello all, I just got back from BBC Radio 3 Counties where I've been going through Lorna Miltons routine she'll be performing for Comic Relief on the 9th March.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-12428957